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Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Gay marriages bring happy ending to long journey
as Silver Spring minister helps same-sex couples tie the knot in the District
by Jason Tomassini
Ten marriages, five hours, history.
It seemed straightforward and simple for the 10 same-sex couples married in a Washington, D.C., church, Tuesday, the first day of legal marriage ceremonies in the District. But the path that led those 10 couples to Tuesday's historic, joyous marriage bonanza belies the drive-through style with which they were declared "husband and husband" or "wife and wife."
Cindy Scharf was kicked out of her Catholic church for being gay. Jenn and Kara Kali's daughter was without a legal mother for two months due to a complicated adoption process. Andrea and Corita Waters paid a few thousand dollars just to have their son.
"It's been hard to watch as they have been denied their rights all this time," said Rev. Elizabeth Lerner Maclay after presiding over the fourth of 10 weddings she officiated Tuesday, perspiration already forming on her forehead during the unseasonable warmth.
"It's almost as joyous for the rest of the parish as it is for the couples."
Maclay, the parish minister at Unitarian Universalist Church on New Hampshire Avenue in Silver Spring, has ministered dozens of "life commitment" ceremonies for same-sex couples at her church. They looked and felt like any straight couples wedding, she said, but were absent one crucial detail present in all 10 weddings Tuesday.
At the end of every half-hour ceremony she declared the marriage valid "under the law of the District of Columbia." And every time she said "law," the rest of her sentence was drowned by cheers and applause from the hundreds in attendance.
The weddings were sponsored by the Silver Spring church, where seven of the 10 couples are parishioners, but held at the Universalist National Memorial Church in Dupont Circle, taking advantage of two recent landmark decisions. In the District, the city council recently passed legislation allowing same-sex marriages, becoming the sixth American jurisdiction to do so.
In Maryland last month, Attorney General Douglas F. Gansler issued an opinion stating Maryland courts would recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states.
One-hundred and fifty eager couples applied for applications March 3, the first day couples could file for a marriage application. It didn't leave much time for traditional wedding plans, but Tuesday's slate of marriages ran smoothly.
Each couple received a half hour to wed in the Memorial Church's high-ceilinged, sanctuary filled with stained glass. Maclay gave each couple their own personalized sermon, some read their own vows, some included music and one requested a blessing where everyone in attendance gathered in a massive circle grasping onto each other's shoulders.
When the ceremony ended there was the usual glad-handing, sniffles and hugs in the pews and hallways, but as each half hour neared its close, the couple and their guests were ushered into the church basement for an ongoing wedding reception, where attendees of the previous weddings awaited them. By the eighth wedding, the church reached capacity.
Once the following wedding began, the reception band was given the cue to play the previous couple its "first dance" song. The process was repeated 10 times, from 4 to 9 p.m.
"We had planned on asking a minister to meet us at a Starbucks," said Cindy Scharf, 49, of Silver Spring, who married her partner of 10 years, Olivia Pickett, on Tuesday. "But then we heard the church was coming together for this large ceremony and we signed up."
Scharf and Pickett, 67, traveled to Oregon in 2004 when the state was briefly granting same-sex marriage licenses. But soon after, the measure was reversed and the marriage was not recognized. Their marriage application check was returned.
While the couple now feels it finally has the rights afforded to straight couples, Tuesday couldn't mask the lack of acceptance the couple has felt in the past. Scharf's parents did not attend the ceremony because they don't accept her lifestyle, she said. She was raised in a conservative Catholic church and eventually shunned because of her homosexuality.
"There are some religions, and then there are other religions," Pickett said sarcastically.
Of Jenn and Kara Kali's four parents, only one, Kara's mother, even considered attending their wedding Tuesday.
For all of the celebration Tuesday, most couples realized a marriage license wasn't going to change the opinions of those against their lifestyle.
"As much as we are celebrating today, it could all be gone tomorrow," said Jenn Kali, 31, a statistician who lives in downtown Silver Spring.
Protests marred some of Tuesday's marriage ceremonies in D.C., and in Maryland some state lawmakers are calling for Gansler's impeachment following his opinion.
"The Attorney General places himself above the law and unaccountable to the citizens of this state," Del. Donald H. Dwyer Jr. (R-Dist. 31) of Glen Burnie said in a statement this week. Dwyer and opponents to Gansler's opinion claim he is circumventing the state legislature in making his opinion and ignoring the existing state law that recognizes marriage only between a man and a woman.
"It's hard to see people feel such anger on a day of joy for us," Scharf said when asked about opponents to Gansler and the D.C. city council's decisions.
Despite the unorthodox and historic nature of their marriage ceremonies, the couples insist their marriages weren't rushed due to recent political decisions. The Kalis have been together since the first day of their freshman year of college. Sam and Mark Manivong, both 41, of Washington, D.C., met as 16-year-olds at a part-time job. The Waterses met in middle school.
"I draw no distinction between straight and gay couples," Maclay said. "... This is almost as joyous for us as it is for them."
(Boston - June 4, 2009)
Rev. William G. Sinkford, President of the Unitarian Universalist
Association, issued this statement in support of New Hampshire's new
marriage law:
I am overjoyed that New Hampshire has joined the growing number of
states with inclusive marriage laws. This is another victory for civil
rights in America. More and more fair-minded citizens believe that
same-sex couples and their families deserve legal recognition and
protection, and that conviction is cause for joy and celebration.
As a religious leader who has proudly officiated at weddings for
same-sex couples, I am called to set the record straight: In more than
two centuries of changing state and federal marriage statues, no
religious group or official has ever been required to solemnize a
marriage that goes against the teachings of their faith, nor will new
marriage laws require them to do so in the future. Marriage equality is
a matter of civil rights, not sacred rites.
(Boston - May 6, 2009) The following statement was issued by Rev.
William G. Sinkford,
The full text of Sinkford's statement is posted on the web at: http://www.uua.org/news/newssubmissions/141790.shtml .
The following statement was issued by Unitarian Universalist Association(UUA) President Rev. William G. Sinkford. (April 7, 2009)
I rejoice in the Vermont legislature's votes to allow same-sex couples to marry in their state. Today's actions guarantee equal treatment under Vermont law for committed same-sex couples and their families. This clear call for justice by Vermont lawmakers brings us one step closer to equality for all Americans. Along with last week's court decision in Iowa, Vermont's action is yet another encouraging sign that the United States eventually will extend full civil rights to all of "we the people."
I applaud the courageous Vermont lawmakers for acting decisively and with integrity to do the right thing. My heartfelt gratitude goes out to the many Unitarian Universalists who have worked tirelessly for marriage equality in Vermont. We have had occasion to celebrate over the past week, but we know that the struggle for marriage equality is far from over. Until all of our nation's marriage statutes are free of discrimination, the Unitarian Universalist Association will stand on the side of love and advocate for full legal rights for committed same-sex couples.
The following statement was issued today (April 3 2009) by Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA) President Rev. William Sinkford.
(Boston February 23, 2009) Copyright 2009 The New York Times Company
Same-sex couples deserve full equality under the law, and that includes the right to marry. For the last decade or so, members of the Rhode Island State Legislature have regularly proposed bills to allow same-sex couples to marry only to see the issue die in committee without coming to a vote. This week, the State Senate Judiciary Committee is expected, once again, to hear testimony on a bill allowing gay marriage; a House committee may do so next month. These will be empty gestures, once again, if the bills go no further. Proponents should redouble their efforts to propel them to the floor of both houses, where a favorable vote could help raise the issue in the national consciousness. Rhode Island is bounded by the only two states that recognize gay marriage: Connecticut and Massachusetts. In both states, the courts, not the Legislatures, acknowledged the right of same-sex couples to marry. The Connecticut and Massachusetts Legislatures approved civil unions before the courts took the extra step of providing gay couples with full rights. Advocacy groups like Marriage Equality of Rhode Island are pushing for full rights rather than the separate-but-equal status of civil unions. They argue, correctly, that anything less is unfair. California’s courts also supported the marriage rights of gay couples, but voters rescinded the right in November through the infamous Proposition 8, a referendum that is now being challenged in court. Marriage between same-sex couples faces formidable roadblocks in Rhode Island. It is opposed by three top leaders: a Republican, Gov. Donald Carcieri; and two Democrats, the speaker of the House, William J. Murphy, and the Senate president, M. Teresa Paiva Weed. State Representative Arthur Handy attracted only four sponsors when he submitted a same-sex marriage bill in 2003. The bill he intends to file later this week is expected to have as many as 30 co-sponsors out of 75 House members. That is certainly progress, but what Mr. Handy and the state’s gay couples ultimately need most of all is a favorable vote on the House and Senate floors.
(Boston October 10, 2008) Rev. William G. Sinkford, President of the Unitarian Universalist
Association, issued the following statement:
(Boston - May 15, 2008) UUA President William G. Sinkford today applauded the ruling of the California Supreme Court and its
historic support of marriage equality. The Court, in issuing its opinion Sinkford responded: "I rejoice today in the California Supreme Court's
decision to end discrimination in the state's marriage laws. On behalf of the Unitarian Universalist Association, I thank the brave
justices for honoring the spirit of the California constitution and extending its protections to same-sex couples. Decades ago,
California led the nation in affirming the right of inter-racial couples to marry, and it is fitting that the state now joins Massachusetts
as a leader in full marriage equality for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender citizens. "I want to thank the Unitarian Universalist
Legislative Ministry of California (http://www.uulmca.org/main.html ) for their tireless work on behalf of marriage equality. UULM-CA
was the driving force behind the Interfaith Amicus Brief in support of marriage equality that was signed by more than 400 clergy
and religious organizations. I am proud that so many Unitarian Universalist ministers and congregations were signatories to the
brief. "The California decision makes a profound difference in the lives of thousands of couples and families in California, and
it offers hope for same-sex couples across the country. Marriage is a civil right."
On behalf of the Unitarian Universalist Association, I rejoice today at
the Connecticut Supreme Court's decision to end discrimination in the
state's marriage laws and to grant the freedom to marry to same-sex
couples. While civil unions have provided some legal protection over the
past three years in Connecticut, they cannot confer the dignity and
respect that comes with marriage. We know from our nation's painful
history that separate is never equal.
I thank the brave justices for honoring the spirit of the Connecticut
constitution and extending its protections to same-sex couples. Today's
decision strengthens thousands of families in Connecticut, and it offers
renewed hope for committed same-sex couples across the country.
Marriage is a civil right.
